I'm taking a break from Instagram, well mainly from posting the stories. When I left my country almost two years ago, some people convinced me numerous times that I should create an Instagram account to post pictures and stories to keep them updated. Out of sentimentality and maybe some kind of guilt (although I don't know exactly what for? For living in a much better society maybe?) I did it anyway. So it's no news that I didn't do it for myself but for them—so inauthentic, I despise myself. Hehe.
As time goes by, so did my closeness with them. And I know that I have already shared too much, too personal, and most of the time, I regret it. I think it was all meaningless, because most people just wanted to see some entertainment, without really caring about you or your life. Compared to that, I genuinely prefer to be closer to the special ones.
I think the most annoying downside of posting Instagram story which runs for 24 hours is that it gives an impression that you are also available for 24 hours to some people. These people then will suddenly text you for irrelevant things, or worse, asking to meet up without considering your schedule or even well-being.
Here are a few examples: 1) "Eh Kar gue lagi di sini (sekitar jam 20.30 malam) lo lagi di mana? Ketemu yuk" meanwhile I was getting ready to bed since I had to go very early the next morning to another country. 2) "Eh aku lagi di kota ini, besok ketemu yuk!" those people did not even asked whether I'm available or considered how am I doing. Don't get me wrong, maybe I would've liked to meet them, if only they had scheduled it with me a few days earlier. I would like to be treated as a human being with a personal life, instead of being treated like an NPC character in the Sims.
And maybe, I have returned to my true self (haha what is that exactly? Well, maybe just being Karina: trying to enjoy the finest things in life, but weird and awkward in person, and mostly reserved and unavailable) and maybe living a new life in a more advanced society has changed (of course, because change is the only constant) and (hopefully) upgraded me. I'm grateful that this country feels like home to me, even when I can't speak Dutch fluently (yet). I love the culture and the people here much better. I find the way they interact and do things are sweet, warm, clever, and efficient.
Regarding social media (I mean Instagram), I noticed that unlike most Indonesians who tend to post tons of stories daily and some pictures in a month, most of my foreigner friends don't do that. My loving, kind, and polite new friends here rarely share details of their lives to everyone, but they have taught me to share it with the special ones! On some important, meaningful, interesting, or just funny moments, they would send me pictures or tell me things personally. So I slowly learned that from them, I remember that such information are intimate and meaningful.
Even when my friends in the Netherlands here throw an amazing party, they didn't post the pictures of how awesome the drinks, the foods, the ambiance, the guests, and whatever. There was one day, like just a few weeks ago, when I had to travel from Den Bosch to Den Haag, then Den Haag to Utrecht, then Utrecht to Den Bosch to attend two housewarming parties. In both events, neither the party guests nor the hosts were busy with their phones, to take pictures or record videos to upload contents to any social media.
So when I open Instagram and the feeds showed me how the Indonesians party, it was a stark contrast. Indonesian parties cover a very wide spectrum, but usually are polar opposites: a low budget with unappetizing cake vs an unnecessarily lavish-over the top-royal-like party. Another strange thing I observed was how some Indonesians spend their holidays: they usually left their houses to stay in random hotels, enjoying the hotel facilities and taking pictures of themselves in a bath tub or a swimming pool, or just themselves in their hotel room and stating how awesome the room was to their standards. Well it's another topic. But the common theme among them is: how the people are constantly holding their phones to take pictures and videos describing self-explanatory things, instead of really feeling and enjoying the moment. Okay, on one hand: no judgement and I'm happy if you are happy, but on the other hand, I find it really weird and I even feel embarrassed.
It's a moment of self criticism, because maybe that's how I come across too sometimes, and since I don't like how I feel about it, I need to change it.
It's a moment of self criticism, because maybe that's how I come across too sometimes, and since I don't like how I feel about it, I need to change it.
I realized I also ignored the fact that my husband, being a consultant who travels all the time (just since last year he has been to USA, Portugal, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium, Germany, and Spain, mostly for business trips) but he never bragged or posted his travel pictures on his Instagram, unlike some people I know. At the time when I need more time experimenting and trying to believe that maybe Instagram has good sides (well I still hope most people don't brag about their lives or compare their lives to others), just after a few months experimenting, he decided that Instagram is not for him. He always told me that for him, communicating with me and sharing everything with me is more than enough, he doesn't need to post it to everyone everytime. Okay, so maybe I also learned a bit from him.
Living the real life is far more interesting. By distancing myself from social media, I can immerse myself in doing things I genuinely enjoy and make me feel good, like hiking, reading, writing, cooking, learning language, watching movies, exploring new places, without having to often think, "Hmm this is nice, I should take a picture and post it to show to the world that I'm having fun".
Of course maybe I will still post things online, but hopefully I'll be more discreet.